More than Fifty shades of Grey...

This time or this day was never meant for writing but for studying in lieu of the exam which is only 2 days away. But there's something about tonight that wont' let me do the same... therefore; this thing. The feeling today is of Helplessness.
Something that my dictionary defines as - "..... feeling that you dont have the strength to control or protect yourself . " True. I dont know how these dictionary people define feelings so well. I can't define or  feel any of the existing feelings so well.
I am not controlled neither am I protected.Minds do change but not as frequently as mine does. It just keeps flickering in and out of existence like fireflies. And control is something I don't have on me , and this is not by any will but by mere nature. This mood today is a gift by these conditions.
Moreover, as the day passes more and more people are getting into relationships. Lovey dovey things, things which are alienistic to me, but to them it gives immense happiness ( priceless one ) . And in today's world be it alienistic or homely who doent prefer Happiness. More heplessness.
Also, when the so called " Friends " leave you at this time it worsens. They'd forward you texts everyday ; but they do that to eveybody on the list.Even the tailor to whom they dont even go now. But I am still happy at their sight.. Concealing my mind away in the black lie that yes.. they do remember me . When you reach out a hand to these phenomal and i-text-u-everyday kind of friends no hand comes back to you from the other side. This then paints the black lie to an even darker shade.. so much so that you become blinded; by your own emotions and travel in another world like this ; of writing down stuff ; to feel better.Most Helplessness
Things always dont come out to be your way. But even this is accepted here. And I live through this day telling myself that -- " Some days are meant to be sad.. Just like that . " .. Surprised? Should not be. Because if one can write about being happy without any reason ; even sadness follows the same anecdotes.. !